Changing habits is difficult for most of us. There’s a lot going on in everyone’s lives and creating new habits generally requires a sustained period of focus – more than the 21 days that many management books and self-help gurus would have you believe. In fact, it is much more likely to be 3 times that. But don’t worry, a real effort over a period of 50 to 70 days will have you hard-wired for your new habit and that could last a lifetime.
You see, psychologically, the brain is tuned to automatically do ‘stuff’ after it’s been habitually done consistently over a significant period of time. There’s science stuff on it all over the web, however here’s my summary of a great approach to habit changing or creation:
First 21 days: Go hard, hard, hard! Elite Daily calls this the “be obnoxious” stage. Tell everyone that you’re trying to make a change, and find those that will help you to do so. Ask friends, family, and colleagues to hold you accountable for the change, even ask them to put pressure on you in times of temptation back to ‘the old way’. It’s simply much more difficult for us to know we are disappointing others, rather than letting ourselves down. We tend to let ourselves off the hook in the latter.
Next 21: Reflect and focus on you. What are you doing/changing and why are you doing it? What positive outcomes will it be driving and how will they help you get more out of like? Truly know the change inside and out – it’ll make it easier to continue to adhere during the most difficult third of this process.
Last 21: Start to celebrate the fact that your new habit(s) are forming. Ensure that friends and family help keep you on the straight and narrow – and that you don’t get complacent with it. Find something – perhaps dig back into those motivating factors from the second 21. This will help you keep moving towards your goal.
Now, pick a time to celebrate your achievement. If you’ve reached your goal, then great, pick a reward. If you’ve not now smoked a cigarette for 9 weeks, then take the cost of say 2 weeks’ worth of those cigarettes and buy something nice for yourself. Treat yourself. Just managed to not lose your temper in a work meeting for 63 days? Then just think about those days that you will have left work with far less stress in your system (and your colleagues too!). Perhaps a half-day holiday to just chill out is a great reward?
Now, my 21/21/21 system is not going to be as easy for everyone to implement o their own - and it’s often helpful to have someone support you at key points – particularly during that first 30-40 days. If you are the type of person who responds well to guidance and steer, or you are someone who appreciates being able to ‘vent’ then utilising a mentor could be the difference between success and failure.
An effective mentor will be able to help you define and launch a bespoke, personalized plan that is specific to your needs and situation, whether it be life or workplace based. They will get to know you quickly, identify your motivating factors and understand what you are looking to accomplish - structuring a plan around that. They will also be helpful in keeping you on track - assuring you consider all levels of achievement and overcome any setbacks as you progress.
This is the idea behind weight loss groups such as Slimming World. When you join these kinds of programs, you’re given a counselor or group lead that works with you. This is similar in concept to a personal trainer when you join a gym. The trainer will structure an exercise or food program that is specific to you. They will track your progress and hold you to account on the achievements you make… encouraging you through bumps and celebrating with you as you succeed.
Both of these are health and well-being focused, however mentoring and coaching to help people with business and professional development has never been more popular.
A mentor can structure a plan across several categories of your life, career, or business – working towards large and/or smaller goals. When identifying a mentor or coach therefore, look for people that have both qualifications as well as experience in life and business themselves. There is simply no use in having a mentor to help you start or develop your business who has never been near a real business in their life – it just won’t work.
Likewise, ensure that you get to meet them and start to get to know them before you commit any spend. Any good professional mentor or coach who’s worth working with will always offer a short introductory session free of charge so that you can both confirm that you will benefit from their services. Even if this is over Skype only, at least you get an opportunity to check-out the way they connect with you and how well you’ll get on.
In order for a mentor to structure a program towards your needs, you need to prepare exactly what you want to get out of the program. You should ask many questions about what is going to be expected of you and what kind of time you are going to be required to put into making the necessary changes. You also want to find out what type of support is available during the program as well as a clear idea of when it is likely to be completed.
A mentor can be truly helpful in these sorts of situations – you just need to be sure the mentor is a great one!